Vantage Point

On the surface, Vantage Point seems to have a good thing going: confusing plot, big-time cast (Dennis Quaid, William Hurt, Sigourney Weaver, Forest Whitaker, Matthew Fox), assassination...What else could you want? The film has been tagged as "controversial" because of The President's assassination. You find out quickly in the trailer that The President was actually being played by a stunt double when he was shot. So, the real president is alive, even though everyone in Salamanca, Spain just saw him get shot. And that's where we get to the improbabilities:

1. Even if William Hurt were president, no way is there an exact look-a-like. This is where he and Kevin Kline differ (see:Dave).
2. The Spanish crowd was cheering like they were watching Real Madrid out there, not the Prez of the USA.
3. If I'm Forest Whitaker, I'm not standing around after I take my Zapruder video. I'm running back home to upload it to YouTube!

Overall, the plot seems interesting, but the dialogue ("This can't be happening!") and confusion factor will outweigh it.

The Ice Kings Cometh


Not since the days of Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding has the world been exposed to the true competitive nature of figure skating. "Blades of Glory" is just what we needed to raise awareness about the seedy underworld of skating, and to give us an in-depth look at the sheer ridiculousness of men dressing up in sequined leotards. And who better to educate the people than Will Ferrell and Nappy D!

The film also brings a pretty solid supporting cast with Amy Poehler (SNL), Jenna Fischer (The Office), and Will Arnett (Arrested Development). In addition, Craig T. Nelson, aka Coach Hayden Fox, joins as the skating coach!

My prediction is that this will be the greatest, and perhaps the only, movie about ice-skating since "The Cutting Edge".

Fear the Turtle


Oh my, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are back for another feature film installment, only this time they're animated. Aside from our four heroes in a half shell (turtle power!), the movie brings back some favorites including April O'Neil, Casey Jones and Master Splinter. But, what is more notable is who the film does not bring back. There is no Shredder (which means no Rocksteady or Bee-Bop), no Krang, and no Vanilla Ice! What's up with that?

Furthermore, from the looks of the trailer, the writers basically took the premise of Independence Day (i.e. laser from the sky smashing buildings) and replaced Bill Pullman with 4 teenaged turtles. Overall an improvement on Independence Day, but unoriginal nonetheless.

Whether you are interested in this movie or not, prepare yourself for the possibility of many more sequels. From what I understand, turtles can live to be over 100. That's like 90 more years.

Pacino, Garcia Reunited



Not since the The Godfather III have Andy Garcia and Al Pacino appeared in the same film. And for good reason -- they usually play the same character. In Ocean's 13, that's no different. Pacino plays Willie Banks, a Las Vegas big shot who is dead set on getting even with the utterly charming Danny Ocean (George Clooney). In other words -- the same character Garcia played in the first 2 Ocean's films, but with a differnet name (Garcia was called Terry Benedict) a slighly different hairdo, and what will probably be a more bravado performance. Whoo-aah.

Hairdos, and facial hair, seem to play an important role in the this third and likely final Ocean's installment (now it's a trilogy!) There's George Clooney with a funny mustache. Now there's Brad Pitt with a bad wig and a funny mustache. And look over there, Matt Damon with his hair all slicked back. Even Don Cheadle gets to ham it up in cognito.

If Pacino and Garcia's earlier collaboration is any guide Ocean's 13 will be a stinker. Maybe that's why Julia Roberts decided to sit this one out.

A murder mystery action comedy



Finally, a movie that tries to answer the question: 'When were the guys who made Shaun of the Dead ever going to make another film?' Well here it is: Hot Fuzz. The story follows Detective Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg, aka Shaun), who's been reassigned to a sleepy countryside village because his Scotland Yard colleagues worry Angel's high arrest record make the rest of the squad look bad. Arriving in the town(e) of Sanford, he finds the local police captain Danny Butterman (Ed from Shaun) blissfully unaware of the relationship between Sanford's "low crime rate and high accident rate." Angel figures it out instantly: A killer's on the loose! From there on out, audiences will be treated to gunfights, car chases and the sight of Angel drop-kicking some little old lady in a flower-print dress. Drop kick-ass!


Keep an eye out for what looks to be a cameo by The Office co-creator Stephen Merchant describing a missing swan. (Maybe he's the Sanford serial killer?)

I fold.



Just in time for everyone to get completely bored with poker, here comes Lucky You, a poker movie that follows Eric Bana (Hulk) Robert Duvall (Newsies) and Drew Berrymore (50 First Dates) though the World Series of Poker, probably finding love along the way. Ugh.

Luckily, this movie is incapable of sparking a some kind of nationwide poker craze. That already happened, and the studio responsible for Lucky You probably wishes it lasted a bit longer.

Not ready for prime time



It's a bad sign when the only clip from this new National Lampoon's movie that made it into the trailer involves Jackass' Steve-O dressed up like the devil and giggling like a gremlin. If you beleive the advertising, the producers can't show you any more because it would be too offensive, hence the 'R' rating.

I didn't buy it. I though this movie must be either so bad, or so unfinished, that the producers had nothing better or funnier to put in the preview. No "rocket sauce" as Jack Black might say. I visited their website to test my hypothesis.

Well, we were both right.

Judging from the clips Xenon Pictures posted online, every third word in this movie is either cock, balls or fuck, which would make it pretty hard to put a coherent trailer together. However, previewing a gag about "The world's Most Pointless Stunts" staring Steve-O, that's supposed to be a send-up of MTV's Jackass isn't going to get many people into the theater. One bright note for the this film: several out of work actors are getting a pay day. It's good to see Judd Neslon (New Jack City), Jayson Mewes (Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back) and Chris Pontius (Jackass), "Wee Man" (Jackass) and Lee Majors (The Six Million Dollar Man) all getting some screen time.

Review The Preview: TV Edition

With two, very exciting shows beginning their seasons in January, we felt it would be a great time to review the previews for 24 Season 6, and The Hills Season 2.

Bauer Power


After an amazing off-season (5 Emmys, including Best Actor, Director, and Series), 24 is finally back following what seemed like a 2 year hiatus. As it turns out, Season 6 takes place two years after we last saw Jack Bauer, when he was being kidnapped by the Chinese for just doing his job. Bauer buddy, Wayne Palmer is now the Presdent, and times are tough with multiple terror attacks in different US cities shaking the confidence of the American people. So Prez. Palmer II does the only thing that makes sense, and bails Jack out of China to save the day again...only this time there's a catch. To save the world, Jack Bauer must die (not sure why yet, he just does). This clearly doesn't phase Jack, who's already died twice and since saved the day like 3 times.

It looks like things will be kicking off in traditional 24 fashion with two 2-hour, action filled nights on January 14th and 15th. Some notable newcomers to Season 6 are James Cromwell (Babe), Kal Penn (Harold & Kumar), and Rick Shroder, who will be filling the "Sean Astin-weird-old-child actor" spot this year. Bottom line is you don't want to miss Jack supporting the Ted Kaczynski look when he walks off that plane and enters the land he loves, or any other second of this season. Jack bless America!

Do you understand the difference between dying for something, and dying for nothing?

The Hills are Alive!


Season 2 of The Hills shows us a wiser but more jaded LC, who has (gasp!) just broken up with her BF after choosing him over the opportunity of a lifetime in Paris. What a moron, huh? I mean everyone in the universe knew that Jordan was a total douche except LC. WTF? Anyhoo, LC clearly can't handle being the only single member of her crew, and tries to make a pact with best friend, Heidi, to remain single for the year. I'm sure it'll all work out since they are both selfless and loyal.

The even more exciting story line follows Heidi, who at one point takes a pregnancy test to see if her and her boyfriend accidentally created the world's dumbest embryo. I think she must be pregnant. Her morning sickness is as bad as its ever been, and it can't be from the excessive binge drinking that this 90 pound waif has been doing, can it?

Jealousy, pregnancy, and stupidity - the three components to any successful TV show, and The Hills has them all.


With 24 on at 9, and The Hills coming on at 10, my Monday Nights are pretty much booked 'til June.

What up, Alpha Dog?


'Alpha Dog,' directed by Nick Cassavetes (The Notebook), is loosely based on the real life exploits of the notorious SoCal drug dealer, Jesse James Hollywood aka Sean Michaels (he probably changed his name to avoid confusion with the pro-wrestler?). Hollywood is touted as one of the youngest people to crack the FBI's top 10 most wanted list, doing so by the incorrigible age of 20.

In the movie, Hollywood's character is written in under the name Johnny Truelove, and is played by Emile Hirsch. At first I thought that Hirsch was Turtle from Entourage, and lost weight to do the role. After further research it appears that Hirsch is a completely different actor who you may know from his last role in 'The Lords of Dogtown' (apparently the guy loves dogs). The film also stars Bruce Willis, Sharon Stone, and then a whole slew of people who are not real actors, including Justin Timberlake, Fernando Vargas, Janet Jones (Wayne Gretzky's wife) and Paulina Gretzky (Wayne's daughter!). Oh, and in a strange twist of fate, Timberlake is cast in a role to play a character that can only be loosely based on Kevin Federline. Take that K-Fed.

If this movie is anything like 'The Notebook,' and I think it will be, then we are all in for a treat.

Negative, Ghost Rider



Director Mark Steven Johnson did such a bang out job adapting Daredevil from a Marvel comic-book series to a feature film, Sony Pictures decided to give him another shot behind the camera. This time, instead of a blind motorcycle-riding hero like the one Ben Affleck played in Daredevil, we get the titular Ghost Rider, a flaming (as in on fire, not homosexual) motorcycle-riding zombie by night and a daredevil motorcycle-riding stuntman called Johnny Blaze by day, all played by Nicolas Cage. Eva Mendes, Sam Elliot and Peter Fonda also appear on screen to say things like, "Johnny, No!" And: "By night, in the presence of evil, the Rider takes over."


Years ago, Johnny cut a deal with Mephisto (Fonda, as the Devil) and is cursed to ride his blazing hog through the night. I can only assume the movie follows Blaze's attempts to free himself from the curse's clutches and probably save the world too. Along the way, it seems he'll have to contend with some, er, fallen angels. I'd better let Mark Steven Johnson explain:




Well said, Mark.

Steamin' Willie Beamen is Dreamin'


"Dreamgirls," adapted from the 1981 Broadway musical based on The Supremes, is the story of a trio of women who go from being back-up singers to being at the top of the pop charts. The film stars some notable A-listers including Jamie Foxx, Beyonce Knowles, and Eddie Murphy (aka Baby-Daddy Spice) who has finally returned from his 10 year stint of doing children's movies.

Also starring in the film, is newcomer to the screen and former American Idolater, Jennifer Hudson. Critics are calling Hudson's performance the best by an American Idol finalist since Justin Guarini in "From Justin to Kelly." In fact, the Oscar buzz surrounding Hudson has already caused Beyonce to pretend to not be jealous of her.

I don't think I'd go see this movie if my name was Jay-Z.

Jim Carey gives us a math lesson



What number did Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player in the history of the game, wear on his jersey? 23. And what number does Lebron James wear today? 23.

Coincidence?

Not if you believe The Number 23, the new film from maestro Joel Schumacher, who's probably best known for making the worst movie of all time: Batman & Robin. He's returned from a 3-year filmmaking hiatus to tell the story of Walter Sparrow, a man who sees the number 23 everywhere he turns after reading a book called, you guessed it, The Number 23. 23 is how old he was when he met his wife Agatha, played by Virginia Madsen (this is the kind of movie where people are called Walter and Agatha and, no kidding, Robin Sparrow). Add up all the numbers in his driver's license and you get 23. His birthday? 23. Social Security Number? 23. 9 plus 14? Yep, 23. He can't escape it.


Carey also plays a character called Fingerling and Madsen has a second role as someone named Fabrizia. The trailer doesn't get into any of this, so we can only speculate about the ways Fingerling and Fabrizia are involved in the plot. Maybe they can explain the mystery of 23. I have a feeling I'll never learn the answer.

Jumanji 3: End Game, Please?


Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson star together for the 7th time in "Night at the Museum." Those two have quite the track record, and once again they've brought along their 'Frat Pack' buddies...Robin Williams, Dick van Dyke, and Mickey Rooney. What, were you expecting Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn?

Question: Why do people keep remaking Jumanji? By my count, this is the third installment (remember Zathura?). It's kind of outrageous. But alas, this version stars some fan favorites with Stiller, Wilson, and (surprise) Ricky Gervais, creator of "The Office." I guess you have to ask youself, 'How can I pass on a movie starring those 3.' Try your best to resist!

Matt Damon Sets the Mongoose Free



With The Good Shepherd, director Robert Dinero tells the story of Edward Wilson and the inception of the CIA. The cast reads like a fantasy roster of crime movies since 1990, though George Clooney, Jack Nicholson and Al Pacino are oddly missing. Joe Pesci is still alive and needs work? Fantastic. Let's take over the world!

At least that's what I thought until I visited www.thegoodshepherdmovie.com, where I learned the movie includes Wilson's days as a poetry student at Yale University, and his induction into the super-ultra-secret Skull & Bones society. Universal Pictures wisely left this material out of the trailer. What a boring overlong bummer this movie will be. Sorry Bobby, this has "Best Picture Nominee" written all over it.

Mr. Smith Goes to the Financial District


"The Pursuit of Happyness" is the true Hollywood story of Christopher Gardner, played by Will Smith, and his son, who is played by Smith's real life son, Jaden. In this film with a misspelled title, Christopher was left by his wife to support and raise their only child. The only problem is that Christopher is broke. So he does what any responsible parent in his position would do, and gets an unpaid internship. Fueled by the desire to drive a Ferrari and feed his kid, Gardener is triumphantly able to achieve the American Dream. If this trailer doesn't make you cry, then you are just a jerk.

By the way, when you decide to see this, keep an eye open for Dan Castellaneta, the voice of Homer J. Simpson.

Jack Black in Chick Flick


In "The Holiday," Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet have just about had it with men, so they decide to swap lives for a couple of weeks to get away from it all. Cameron goes to England, and Kate settles in the good ole U.S. of A. While in England, Cameron immediately falls for Jude Law who is obviously different from other guys and would never cheat, just ask Sienna Miller. And Kate, well she forms a relationship with Nacho Libre.

I can tell you now that with every holiday season comes the fact that men everywhere will get dragged to romantic comedies. Might as well make it one that has Jack Black.

Killer



It's refreshing to see Hollywood release a movie with scary elements (i.e. a serial killer on the loose, terrorizing San Francisco) that doesn't luxuriate in the gory details of teeth pulling, bone splitting and flesh flaying so many recent horror movies trade in. This looks promising and with director David Fincher, who brought us Fight Club, Alien 3... and crucial Paula Abdul videos like Straight Up and Cold Hearted, ZODIAC should bring a good mix of scares and fancy footwork. Plus, Robert Downey Jr. looks like he's playing a lost 3 Musketeer, which can only help.

Dungeons and Fountains



Six years ago, Darren Aronofsky introduced the term "Ass to Ass!" into the frat-boy lexicon with Requiem for a Dream. Since then, he's been crafting The Fountain, which follows Hugh Jackman as he drinks from the fountain of youth in 1500 (A.D.) and pursues his lost love for 1,000 years. From the looks of it, audience members may either need to sip the sap of the Tree of Life themselves to stay awake for the whole movie, or just drop 3 hits of LSD before hand. Godspeed to the brave souls who attempt either.

Apocalypto Never

When Mel Gibson was arrested for driving under the influence of anti-semitism, people were wondering if his off-the-screen problems would cause a drop in ticket sales for his upcoming epic, Apocalypto. What's more likely to cause a drop in sales for Apocalypto is the fact that it has no real actors, it uses only the ancient Yucatec Maya language, and it lasts about 3 hours. Top that off with reports of enough violence and gore to make you vomit pop-corn and Twizzlers on your date, and I'd say you've got a winner.

I do have to admit though, the plotline seems somewhat compelling, and the prospect of seeing National Geographic style boobies also piques my interest, but ultimately it just seems wrong to keep encouraging Mel to make these epics. Doesn't he know we've all been patiently waiting for "What Women Want 2"?

I guess what I'm saying is, if you really have the urge to learn about ancient Maya, stick to Wikipedia.

Playstation 3


Ok, so this review sort of strays from our normal format, but since the PS3 has not yet been released, this commercial is pretty much a preview. I think it works.

So what's the friggin deal with this commercial? Is Sony trying to scare us in to buying a PS3? If so, it worked. I'll buy one. Just keep that freaky baby away.